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Yeah OK this is a note from the "darkside" or downphase. Don't expect fancy prose; I can barely work this keyboard. I started and executed most of today on an up but wound up doing so much that by the time we both sat down for the day, my brain was circling the drain.
This drain represents a place i have been spending alot of time of late. I call it the choppy seas of reality not out of any attempt at artistry but rather a pretty damned accurate description of everyday it seems.
Think of it like this: if you have to traverse a bay under normal calm ocean conditions, the trip would be unremarkable at best. If you had to do it under very choppy storm-like conditions, that could make that same bay-crossing much more difficult, much more harrowing.
Cruising your reality is much like being stuck in choppy waters: on a nice, sunny day, its still alot of extra work and effort and stress to make the trip; its just under nicer skies. If the trip is on a stormy nasty day, same choppy waters, the trip still sucks and takes 10x the effort to complete than it took a few months ago.
In other words while I have good days and bad days, good spells and rough, they are all the "choppy seas of reality" to me and such an effort to get thru, giving up is not an unthought-of option.
I don't mean giving up as in dying; rather its like when every day like this, good or not, I need a break or a vacation, dammit. Time off for good behavior.
Here is the catch for you "normals": we have problems navigating your reality but we have little problem navigating our own, and let me tell ya sometimes, some days its a helluva lot easier and nicer there than it is here...but the thing for normals to know is *I* am the captain of my personal USS Dementia and can navigate it where 'ere I want, when I want so if your reality is sucking too much, I can just tell the navigator to do a 180 and I can cruise the hell away, bound for calmer seas....