Caveat Reador: I am almost not enough left to push this further...
|I am losing the plot...|
Hey Kids, Jeff Cobb here. Thats more of a statement of mind than anything. I am approaching a crossroads of sorts, a nexus. My abilities are dwindling quicker than I would like and since I have run this since the get-go and have no sane assistant, its getting harder and harder not just to stay on top of things but to make sense of them at all. Focus comes in smaller and smaller doses, while the span of my working memory seems to shrink daily, making most tasks "lost" between conception and commencement.
I am not giving up, though at times its hard to see why not. Not speaking of death here; that will come on its own. I just mean once the daily humiliation reaches my personal FUCK-IT threshold, there just don't be any chance of gain in trying things. And I will retreat further into my mind. I have already been there alot and have a summer retirement world all picked out. Its not finished yet, there is much to do before full time occupancy but for now its an investment in my future.
My growing skills have atrophied...not the basics, that stuff is tattooed on my soul. No what kills me now is that my logic and deductive reasoning are shot so when almost anything goes wrong or not according to plan I am usually at a loss as to why or what to do about it. Ironically I had some software sketched out where you took all of the images in the Marijuana Garden Saver Guide and enter them and their textual descriptions into a database, then write an app in Android that could take a picture of a troubled plant and thru pattern matching find likely causes and cures instantly. Iron deficiency, light burn, root rot all could be sorted this way.
But now its beyond me. At one time I was the factory owner and knew every machine and employee. I knew how to steer the factory to a profit. Now? Now I am the line-worker, sticking widget A into sprocket B or whatever for 8 hour shifts. I have only the vaguest of ideas how the company is doing or how to make it better if its not doing well. I know my little piece and thats that.
All may not be lost, its a dice-roll but after consulting with my grow mentor and whats left of my brain, I am probably shift my whole operation over the a grow method called Hempy Buckets; more on that in time.
I will update this as I am able to but also understand as my aphasia gets worse, typing will be too hard for anything but emergencies. For now I will write as I can but you must also remember I will be less and less of this reality and who knows what will come out. I had hoped to hang on to the 2020 election but now....barring a miracle now thats doubtful.
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