Skip to main content

Winding things up...down....whatever.


Hey Kids, I hope everyone is dealing with the corona virus without being an idiot, which from what I can see in the news, is way too much responsibility for some folks.

In any event, this will by definition be short. I started this back in...IDK 2016? Maybe; thats when president AssHat got elected and I recall writing about it then so...anyways. This place has grown alot, grown "organically" as we consultants used to claim back in the day, a euphemism for having lost all direction or control. It is in parts political rant (a form of therapy for me. Hey at least I am not out taking hostages, right?), part dementia advocacy and perhaps information resource for caregivers and patients, part documentary to give the average Joe a better idea of what Lewy Body Dementia is and is not. Because I needed it, its also part humor or satire and finally because it has been more useful than anything the doctor ordered, a cannabis grow site for the disabled. 

It is now approaching mid-2020 and things have been shutting down inside me now for a while. I get tiny windows of time where I have enough clarity to write or even operate the computer; the rest of the time the PC is as useful to be as a broken toaster, a little mind-blowing considering that it paid the bills for so many years. I cannot change reality though, as least I cannot change the one that you and I currently cohabitate. My own remains my Rembrandt, my Peter Max painting, my refuge from a crappier reality.

Writing is so hard now and even once I write something, often an hour later I can't understand it. Most forms of activity are enough of a challenge to feel more like work than anything resembling play right now. I find myself becoming still for longer periods of time, doing nothing but needing to do nothing as well. And I am fine with it, I feel less distress when I am shut down like that.

I still have a single grow journal running, The Trellis Project right now. While not everything else reached completion, I have reached a point where things either need to be considered done or they never will be. No further work will come to move any of them further.

As with writing getting harder, describing dementia is getting harder as well, trying to translate the fantastic into mundane words and phrases.  That takes a working mind that I no longer have control over. So pretty much as of this post, I doubt that I will be adding much more here. I will do my best to complete the Trellis Project as that is only about 5 weeks from completion.....but the way things are trending now, I expect to hit something like house plant status in just over a year.  MAYBE 18 months if mitigating actions are taken. And I need to spend what quality time I have left with Beth because thats really all that matters in the end and doing anything else with this time feels like not only a waste but a betrayal as well.  So I have two choices: 1. Push on the dozen or so frankly epic-sized projects I have up my sleeve or have going and only stop when I can no longer form words, leaving nothing for Beth and "us" or 2. I can dial down the activity on everything BUT Beth/us and have a reasonable shot at a pretty quality year.  And there are no do-overs. So my choice is simple, if somewhat painful to me...

This site shall remain as long as Google lets me have it but how much updating happens is anyones guess and certainly no promise I can keep.  The growing part of things are in the process of being handed off; for those I didn't get to in time, I am sorry, I can do what I can do. And finally since the Google presence in the form of my email address has been around long enough to collect waaaaay too much crap, I am shutting that addy down as an email address as well.

In short, I need to cognitively simplify my life all that I can or I fear that I won't have any to simplify. This was not a plan or decision I came to lightly....I know I haven't always succeeded but I did try to help and where possible, educate folks on this badly mis-understood disease. Now I need to help myself and take care of what is left.

I hope folks understand.

Jeff

PS: Randy all of your access shall remain, post here as long as you are able to!
J.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Dementia Cannabis Update

Update: 22 July
Project started, grow page and journal is here:

Operation: Constant Clarity


This is one of the most difficult posts I have had to write, mostly because I "had" to. Allow me to explain and I promise by the end you will not only understand the "difficulty" and the "had to" bit but also I hope you come away with a few new assumptions or conclusions, you pick and if all that passes you by, perhaps you will find illumination as this is some serious "dementia from the inside out" kinda shit.

The 18:1 Theory
Before I tell you what happened, please recall I have expressed a theory or hypothesis on the effects of a cannabis extract/concentrate that tests out to have a CBD:THC ratio of 18-1 on the demented mind. By demented I mean any brain with not just dementia but anything that alters so-called normal operation. I don't mean anything like it fixes everything, rather there are things that are fixed by this like PTSD and ADD that you …

Be Who You Actually Are

Many moons ago I was starting my day like many of us enjoying the gifts of dementia by spending most of it screwing up each and every thing I attempted to do, large or small and usually in ways both spectacular as well as costly.  On the verge of tears I spent about an hour medicating with my very best botanicals when I had the BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious, engineer-speak): I am still attempting to be something that I am not only NOT but barring acts of a supreme deity, never will be again. Its just that damned simple.

* What makes a persons personality unique is the precise set of influences, patterns of thinking, lifetime experiences or memories amongst many other things. These are all stored and/or controlled by the brain.

* The root cause of dementia is damage to select portions of the brain.

* For better or worse, the simple truth is that this will result in a different person. Not better or lesser, simply different, in the same way that any two coworkers might be very dif…

Holy Crap Batman! A hero with dementia!

Braven 2018
Hey kids, I ran across something you just HAVE to watch. I mean you as in readers of these words. Looking for entertainment last night I was scrounging some of the dodgier parts of the Internet for something not involving a cape or "found footage" to watch. Long story short I ran across something from this year (2018) called Braven, starring Jason Mamoa (Aquaman/Ronin on Stargate Atlantis) and Stephen Lang (the major hard-ass in Avatar).  Plot reads like a B-roll actioner, drug dealers drop in on county folk and try to take them on their own turf. I agree, major tired plotline BUT......
Here is the kicker: The country folks (Mamoa/Lang) are in the cabin in the woods kinda thing because Lang (plays Mamoas dad) has alzheimers (he blames it on some Vietnam injury but...) and got into a fight at a local bar, thinking some girl was his dead wife out on the town. 
Of course Jason beats everyones ass in proper manner as it should be but thats why these two are in the c…